A Lifelong Journey

A Lifelong Journey

I met a pretty lady, fell head over heels in love, and we got married. Our courtship was too brief to really get to know one another. I wasn't sure just how many "people" were in the marriage. There were the people we thought we were, the person we thought the other one was, and the people we really are!

Several years later, my wife's drinking bothered me so much that I sneaked off to some sort of alcoholism office to find out how I could stop her from becoming an alcoholic. The staff gave me some information about alcoholism and told me to go to Al-Anon. I left thinking I couldn't possibly go to Al-Anon because my wife would assume I was accusing her of being a drunk. Then she would divorce me, my business would fail, and I would curl up and die. So, I didn't go to Al-Anon. I proceeded to get sicker while I denied the effects of alcoholism in my family.

My wife had a delightful, lovable little girl from a previous marriage. The little girl's father took no interest in her and I gladly adopted her. As a teenager, she had her own ideas about some things and the three of us dealt with various issues. My wife's drinking started bothering me more. There were some embarrassing public moments in front of important people, as well as ugly scenes at home. I shut down emotionally. My commission-only business suffered from my inability to deal with my wife's drinking rages. The three of us were a mess. We finally admitted we needed outside help and someone referred us to a clinical social worker.

I was quite relieved at the prospect of having someone with professional credentials who could make my wife and daughter shape up! I gladly attended the session to tattle on them and tell the counselor what she needed to do to fix them. The counselor asked me how I felt about what was happening and what I wanted from the marriage, but I just pointed fingers to take the focus off my own behavior. Nevertheless, the counselor had a positive effect on my wife and daughter and our lives calmed down somewhat.

In the course of the sessions, the social worker had the audacity to say my wife was an alcoholic and that I was enabling her! I quickly told her she was wrong, but I was afraid my wife might become an alcoholic if she didn't slow down. During one session, the social worker lent us some books on adult children of alcoholics. She told my wife about a Sunday afternoon Al-Anon adult children meeting and suggested she attend because the social worker knew my wife's late father had a drinking problem. At that point, I said that my father also had a drinking problem. The counselor said I could go, too.

When we arrived home, my wife said she wasn't going to the meeting because someone at the meeting might know her and she didn't want to expose her dad’s alcoholism. She didn’t think I should go, either. I told her I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t feel any better after all the counseling sessions. My wife persisted and I exploded. I said I was tired of living my life for other people—our families, my agents, my companies, the church, the city, and the state. I was going to do something for me! With that, she ran over and hugged me. She said she didn’t know I felt so strongly. “By all means, go,” she said. The meeting wasn’t for five days. When Sunday came, she said, “You’re not going to that meeting, are you?" I said, "Yes," and I went.

That meeting got me into the habit of going to meetings. I heard some things there that were helpful. More importantly, I learned I didn't have to be the spouse of an admitted alcoholic in order to go to "regular" Al-Anon meetings, which was where I found a Sponsor. After a while, I began the process of working the Steps with my Sponsor's help.

Because of the healing power of a loving God, today my life is far better than I have any right to expect. When a professional referred me to Al-Anon, I never dreamed it would lead to a lifelong journey of spiritual growth.

By Dick T., Florida
The Forum, January 2006