Breaking My Denial

Concerns about my wife's drinking prompted me to seek help for our two young daughters and myself. With the help of an Employee Assistance Program at work I received a referral to speak with a children’s social worker. I remember how embarrassed I was taking my girls to seek such assistance. It was very difficult for me to admit our family wasn't perfect, but the sheer act of walking into the social worker's office began the process of breaking my denial about the problem I instinctively knew our family had to face.

The social worker's first words after I shared my story were, "You didn't make your wife drink. You aren't that powerful!" Under other circumstances, I may have found her remark insulting, but not that time. I was so grateful to hear those words that I began to cry.

The social worker recommended I attend Al-Anon. After pulling a local meeting list from her files, she said, "Why, there's a meeting tonight, as a matter of fact." I remember thinking that was a marvelous coincidence. Of course, later I learned there were meetings in my town every night of the week. It was difficult waiting three hours for the meeting time to arrive.

I didn't say much during my first meeting. As the members were sharing, I convinced myself that after I left the social worker's office, she called all of them, told them my story, and scripted the entire meeting for my benefit! Of course, that hadn't happened, but how else could I explain how total strangers were sharing things about themselves that sounded so much like me?

When I first heard a member read the words of the Fifth Tradition, I knew I was home. "Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics." That's exactly what Al-Anon has done for me for over seven years.

Today I have a Sponsor, I work the Twelve Steps, I read Conference Approved Literature every day, I attend meetings regularly, I'm involved in service at the group and district levels, and it is my privilege to sponsor guys who are doing the same. Our daughters attend Alateen and we have sobriety in our home. And it all began with the words, "Why, there’s a meeting tonight."

By Craig M., Nebraska
The Forum, March 2006