I Felt Empowered

I Felt Empowered

I was at a social function when I heard someone say, "If someone's drinking is creating a problem, there is a drinking problem." Immediately I knew my husband had a drinking problem because his drinking definitely caused problems. I'd heard of Al-Anon and thought I could get him to quit drinking if I attended a meeting.

The group met in a church basement. There were only three of us. The other women shared their stories because I was a newcomer. One talked about enabling. She said her husband came home one Friday night and passed out on the kitchen floor. On Saturday—the day she scrubbed the kitchen floor—he was still on the floor. Rather than waiting for her husband to wake up, she scrubbed the floor around him.

The other woman shared about the night her husband drove his car into their neighbor's yard. He got out of the car, stumbled back to their house, and went to bed. The woman said she didn't try to save the family from embarrassment by moving the car. She left the car so her husband could face the consequences of his behavior.

I was amazed to discover the women had been Al-Anon members for a number of years and both were married to active alcoholics. That was when I realized Al-Anon wasn’t for me—I needed something to make my husband stop drinking.

Even though I didn't return, I understood that enabling hurts—it doesn't help. I no longer called my husband's boss saying my husband was sick when he was drunk. I stopped buying beer and stopped pleading with him to get out of bed and go to work. Even with my limited understanding, I felt empowered each time I consciously decided not to enable him.

Six years later, due to court intervention for drunk driving, my husband was in a treatment program that urged family members to attend Al-Anon. Even though I thought Al-Anon was a waste of time because it couldn't make my husband stop drinking, I went because I was a people-pleaser. That was my second meeting and I've been attending ever since—for 22 years.

By Carolyn C., Idaho
The Forum, November 2005